Clary did WHAT?
by xxmagnetxx
Summary: Clary is acting a bit crazy, and Alec is the first of the very lucky people who gets to experience it!Some Jace and Clary fun later on I promise!Post CoG but Valentine is still alive....I brought him back
1. Chapter 1

1Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even my lunch money_.Usually._

**Pants and Sparkles**

"Why are we even here?" Alec asked irritably.

"So that I can try on outfits for my routines!" Clary told him again, bouncing out of her seat with each word.

But why am _I _here?" Alec whined AGAIN. "I don't even know how to dance-or how to tie up whatever those sparkly things are you guys- OH MY GOD CLARY WILL YOU SIT STILL!!"

She stopped bouncing. For about 30 seconds. "I'm sorry! And puh-lease Alexander Lightwood! Don't think I don't know what you do when you appear off to Magnus' for hours!"

"I...Uhhh...Well....You do??" Alec stammered, turning deathly pale and then ten different shades of red.

"Mhmm. I'll need help with my make-up too," Clary stated with a wink.

Alec sunk deeper into his chair with a groan, thinking that this Solomon person better hurry his pants up. _Oh no _he thought. Clary was standing up and had whipped an iPod out of her back pocket. She put the earbuds in and started dancing around the large waiting area singing at the top of her lungs.

_"I go ooh ooh_ you go ah ah

_Lalalala Alalala_

_I can Lalalalalala_

_I wanna wanna get get get what I want, don't stop_

_gimme gimme gimme whatcha got got cuz I can't wait wait wait any m-more more more_

_don't even talk about the consequence cuz right now you're the only thing that's makin' _

_ any sense. _

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile inside the studio**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm sure it will work this time Father."

"Yes, it will. I am sure of it!" _[Think they're sure of it?]_

"But first we need to get rid of that poser, Jace Way-uhh Lightwood!" Sebastian (yeah I know it's actually Jonathon, but for clarity? =D) bellowed, all but thumping on his chest.

"Don't be player hatin' home dog!" The tall white-haired man told him. Valentine had on a giant purple shirt, baggy black shorts and a baseball hat-that he had turned around backwards. He had gotten into the costume closet, whose door was now blown down and totally torn apart.

"Oh. My. God." Sebastian said, looking shocked, scared and utterly scarred. "Are you okay?"

"Fo shizzle my nizzle! You better be believin'!" Valentine yelled, turning to finish writing out his plan with his glitter markers.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back in the Studio~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_"I feel so untouched and I want you so much_

_that I just can't resist you, it's not enough to say that I miss you!"_

Alec was having trouble keeping a straight face as he watched Clary on top of the reception desk and start dancing, then jump down and dance on the groung again. About the time it sounded like her song was ending, Alec's finely tuned sense of hearing picked up the sound of a car outside. He stood up and reached for Clary, hooking one of his fingers through her belt loop.

"Hey Clary, I think-"

"AHH!OHMYGODALECWHATDOYOUTHINKYOU'REDOING!!" Clary screamed, jumping backwards so quickly that her belt loop and a piece of her jeans ripped off.

"I...Uhh...I heard..." Alec tried to explain himself.

Clary's eyes got as big as saucers and she turned towards the door and started running, screaming as she went through it,

" NO ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD I WILL NOT TAKE MY PANTS OFF FOR YOU!!" and ran straight into her father and brother, almost knocking all three of them down. Valentine put his hand on Clary's shoulder to steady them both and roared, "WHO ARE YOU TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FOR?? I'M GOING TO-"

He was cut off by Alec rushing through the doorway. "No Clary! That's not what I was-"

he broke off when he saw Valentine with his hand on Clary's shoulder and the look of _"Oh crap we've done it now"_ on her face.

"Uhhh..."

An audible growl rumbled from Valentine's chest, silencing Alec. He locked eyes with Clary, who gave ham a slight nod in the direction of the door. She jerked away from her father so fast that he didn't have time to stop her or Alec from running away. So Valentine and his son did the only thing they could: drop the sparkle markers and run after them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ten Minutes Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello? Clary?"Mr Solomon called as he walked through the open door to his dance studio. There was no one else in the room, Clary had told him she'd be there. He did a quick scan of the room, taking in the footprints on the reception desk, the broken belt lop on the floor and Clary's lime green running shoes on her usual chair. '_Ugh. Not again.'_ he thought.

Wanting to see what all had happened while he was gone, he walked into the main studio. And immediately noticed small, glitter objects all over the floor. Then he looked up. His heart skipped a few beats in rage. There were drawings of tall, slim girls in designer dresses all over his walls. All over his _mirrors._ '_No wonder it looks like the Sparkle Marker factory exploded in here!'_

**Author's Note: So what'd ya think? Review!**

**And if anybody can tell me what song Clary's singing (I think the second part might have given it away?) I'll put your into a chapter!**

**I think each chapter is gonna be a song....So if you have one you want me to do let me know!**

_**Click the Button!Review!**_


	2. The Boys' Secret Part 1:Flashback

1**Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing. Except a baton and a flute. **_**Sort of...**_

**Author's Note: Yay! Another chapter! Thanks to my amazing official consultant/song picker outer Oslivia (Olivia =]) )for chosing the songs!**

**The Boys' Secret Society**

Clary walked quickly down the cool hallway, watching everywhere for flying plants and gooey objects. That's what she'd been attacked with last time she came here, but then again it was one wild party. There had been sparkles (hehe!), paint, fairy juice, flashy skank outfits (which got her some seriously creepy ogling from random dudes who Jace then beat the life out of) and _kareoke._ That she had been fairy drink drunk enough to participate in.

She stopped on the hallway and began to flash back to that horrible event a few weeks ago at Magnus' party.....

_Clary's deep purple dress barely touched the middle of her thies, the lacy low cut showed off what she and Isabelle had managed to stuff into a push-up bra. Jace stood beside her with his arm around her waist, giving the eye to every boy, man and creature that walked by and even so much as glances Clary's way. He had already beat one men for hitting on her, and one for copping a feel (this actually happened to me today outside of Bob Evans. I was like wtf do you think you're doing??)._

_She had been sipping on fairy drinks all night and lost count of how many she had drank so far. Jace was starting to get the feeling that it was one to many. Especially when she turned to him and started to deliriously run her hands up and down his chest. "Jacey? Why do you keep looking at all those guys like you wanna eat them? You're not Simon you know."_

_"I....Clary! Stop doing that!" Jace stuttered as she continued to run her hand up his chest and make circles around his adam's apple (don'.). It was then that Magnus looked over and caught his eye, and seeing what Clary was doing, gave him a quick wink and smile._

_Clary watched as Jace's face turned scarlet and quickly followed the direction of his gaze._

_He was looking towards Magnus, who was standing _very_ close to Alec, with his hand on his chest. She smiled to herself and decided that she should give them a little encouragement. After all, they were excepted now....._

_Clary quickly jerked away from Jace's arm and began jumping up and down, screaming_

"_OH BABY! GET SOME ALEC!!" _

_Alec and Magnus both snapped their heads towards her with looks of pure hatred and embarrassment. Everybody that they had been talking to scurried off in a rush, leaving Alec alone with an idea to get Clary back for the fiasco at the dance studio the day before. He leaned over to Magnus' ear and whispered his plan in his ear, Magnus nodding his head the whole time._

_"Of course I'll do it for you Alli! And I'm sure she's punch drunk enough to do it!"_

_"That's what I love about you! You're open to anything!" They both leaned in and gave each other Eskimo kisses._

_Jace was having trouble keeping down his dinner as he watched Magnus and Alec go _

_into their own little world of gay love. He was also having one hell of a time trying to get Clary reined back into his arms. She was acting crazy!_

_Then his eyes locked on some poor scum of a creature that had made a grab for Clary. He took off with a start and drug him into a hall closet. He would be hurting in the morning..._

_Clary smiled to herself as she watched Jace rush off after some guy who had grabbed her. And then she saw Magnus walking toward her with a giant evil grin on his face. _

_"Clary! My girl! Wanna sing with me? It'll be Ah-maze-ing!"_

_"Weellll I'm not much of a singer..."_

_"Come on! PWEASE!! It'll make Jace think you're sexy! All men love it when their ladies sing!"_

_"Oh baby! LET'S DO IT!!"_

_Magnus led her up to the makeshift stage that now took the place of his couch._

_"Excuse me Ladies and Demons your wonderful host would like to sing you a song with his favorite lady-woman!" The crowd of dancers in Magnus' apartment cheered as he was thrown two mics and turned to pick out the song that Alec had asked him to get Clary to sing. Only to find that she was standing back up from already picking the song._

_"I...Uhh...Clary, What did you pick???" He was looking a little alarmed._

_"Oh! You'll see! I'm sure you know it!" She gave him a wink and grabbed a mic from his hand. She turned to face the crowd as the music started and she began to sing._

_"I come home in the morning light,_

_ My mother says "When you gonna live your life right?"_

_Oh, Mother, dear_**,**

_We're not the fortunate one's,_

_And girls,_

_They wanna have fu-un._

_Oh, girls,_

_Just wanna have fun."_

_Magnus gasped and started to sing. This was his favorite song!_

_"The phone rings in the middle of the night._

_ My father yells "What you gonna do with your life?"_

_Oh, daddy, dear,_

_You know you're still number one,_

_But girls,_

_They wanna have fu-un,_

_Oh, girls, just wanna have_

_That's all they really want....._

_Some fun......"_

_They both joined in now and started to bump hips and dance._

_"When the working day is done,_

_Oh, girls,_

_They wanna have fu-un,_

_Oh, girls,_

_Just wanna have fun!...."_

She shivered at the thought of what had to be the most embarrassing moment of her life. The worst part was, that Alec had gotten it all on tape. But it wasn't very likely that he would show it in public; it was pretty demeaning to his sparkly boyfriend, too. Just incase though, Clary had started carrying a video camera around with her everywhere.

As Clary stole the extra key to Magnus' apartment and unlocked the door, a strange thought hit her. What if she walked in on a Magnus-Alec love nest fest?? _"Ugh."_ She thought. "_I guess I'll just have to take a chance."_

She pushed the door open and heard the sound of a very familiar song playing. A song that was a little too familiar. Jace had been listening to it for the past two weeks. "_But why?? I never thought that he liked....Well.....THAT kind of music-group-type-people!" _She closed the door silently and crossed the livingroom with care, stopping only once to pet Magnus's cat.

Then she got to the door. The door where _it_ was coming from. Clary took a deep breath and pulled it open. Only to have her jaw hit the floor in surprise and whip her video camera out faster than you could say 'Ashawashapilapong' . She turned it on and quickly began filming what the four men inside where doing.

She couldn't believe it! It was so unlike Jace to listen to something like this, much less _participate in it!_ Clary ha d to work to keep her laughter from escaping as the music started again. If they saw her, her blackmail would be ruined.

"_Young man, there's no need to feel down!..."_

**Author's Note: So...Anyone know this one (or two?)Tell me what it is and I will include your name, along with Danielle's (Who knew the song from ch.1: sorry I couldn't find a place to put you in this chapter!) In chapter 3! So go ahead review!**


	3. Reason and Revenge Part 1

**Author's Note: Ok… Sorry it took me so long to write this, I just kept forgetting. I know, I'm a bad excuse-maker-upper. Anyway, on with the show! I even picked these out all by my self! =D**

**Reason and Revenge Part 1**

Clary jumped back in shock. She just couldn't believe all of these men, no _boys-_ they were definitely boys in her book now- would be doing this! She quickly whipped the mini portable camera that she kept in her bra ( for all intensive purposes of course) out and focused it on the middle man. This could work out to get her out of some serious discipline later. Afterall, it was Alec's father that handed out the punishments. (I can't believe no one guessed this!)

She was forced to lean against the fern outside of Magnus's bedroom door to keep from falling over with her silent laughter. _When did this get here?_ She thought, remembering that just a few days ago the house had been free of all plant life. _Wait- Is it… Sparkling????_ Clary took a startled step backward and stumbled over the source of the infamous glitter, a bright blue glitter pen! She hit the floor with a thud, luckily her racket was covered by the blaring Village People. She had began to slowly creep backwards in the exact uncomfortable position that she had fallen in when it happened. **The music stopped.** She had been discovered!

Her breathing picked up and she, for some strange reason, remembered that her camera had fallen into the front of her pants. The boys voices began to speak, and she started to form an escape plan.

"Guyyysss! We need the practice! You can't keep goofing around like this!" That was definitely Magnus's voice.

"Aww, Beary Bug calm down! We'll be the best ones there, I promise!" And that one HAD to be Alec.

"Uh-Uhm-I- Do you guys think we could uhh, hurry it up a bit here? I have… Things to do.." Robert Lightwood spoke in an unsure voice, seeming to be uncomfortable around his son and his boyfriend. His homophobia made Clary start to laugh again, and her phone gave a quiet BEEP!

"Did you guys just hear that?" Ugh. Stupid Jace and his amazing hearing!

"Yeah I kind of- Hey! How come he gets to text during rehearsal?!"

" Well he has to talk to his girly somehow!"

"I would have thought he got enough action at that party last night to last him a while..."

Here, Robert cut into Alec and Magnus's bickering. "Jace Lightwood! Do we need to talk?! Are you and Clary being safe?? Are you- are you…… But she was your sister!! No, it's fine now Robert. Valentine went Bye Bye a long time ago. Just go to your happy place. Just go to your happy place." He sunk to the floor and curled up into the fetal position, continuing to chant to himself and rock.

"I…. Uhh…… We aren't…. Are you ok?..." Jace stumbled over his words a s he walked over to where Robert was sitting. When he reached out for him, he jumped up like he'd been struck by lightening, or the need to talk to his 17 year old son about sex.

"I'm quite fine thank you! And you mister! Well, I'll need to be having a talk with you! In fact, practice is off! Jonathon! _Let's go._" He then grabbed Jace by the arm and attempted to drag him out of the room, shaking his head the whole time. Jace looked back to Alec and Magnus, looking for someone to save him. All he got was a snicker from Alec and a sympathetic look from Magnus. That is until the two got immediately wrapped up in each other. Tongue and all.

Back out in the hallway, Clary was trying to make herself as small as possible so she wouldn't be seen my the fuming Daddy Lightwood. Unfortunately, Jace located her familiar red hair as soon as he was out of the room. He gave her an odd look, but one that said he wouldn't rat her out. She smiled at him and blew him a kiss. Robert's head snapped in her direction almost immediately. _Damn,_ she thought, _I have got to stop popping my lips!_

" Oh Clary! What a nice surprise that you should be here conveniently under the table! I'm sure you need to be in this little chat, too." Robert had a false happiness around him that radiated discomfort.

"I,well….ok?"

He grabbed both of her hands in one, pulling her up and adding her to the chain link of misery. Clary quickly decided that this was one of the most awkward situations she had ever been in. Not just because of Robert and his talk, but because of Jace and the way he was looking at her. His gaze met hers and then flicked rapidly down, then back. With a start, Clary realized what he was looking at.

"Ahh, Clary? What is- I mean-Why do you-What IS that…. _Bulge in your pants?"_

"Uhm. Well, it's… My camera?....." Robert had stopped walking and was staring angrily at them now.

" And….. Is it on? Is it _recording_?"

"…………….. Yes." Clary said in a small voice. _Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! If forgot to turn my camera off!!_

Jace was silent for a long moment and then a wide smile spread across his face. He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Papa Lightwood.

" WELL NOW CLARY! It looks like I need to have an extra little talk with you, hmm?"

_Oh no………._

Clary sighed as she walked out the library. She had just endured one of the longest and most disturbing talks of teenage existence. All she wanted to do now was go to her room, get her sketch pad and draw until the sun set. She started down the hall slowly, taking her time and running her fingers across the beautiful walls.

"BOO!"

"AHH! Jace you almost made me pee in my pants!"

"Well, babydoll, it was worth it. So how was your extra talk?" He asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he leaned in to kiss her.

" Uhh it was ok. Same as the other talks I guess." She answered in stead of letting him kiss her. Clary took off down the hallway again.

"Clary! What's wrong?.... Did I- Did I do something?"

" N-no. I'm fine. Just a little tired, Iguess."

" Then why won't you kiss me?? Huh? Tell me!"

She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him all the rest of the way to her room, closing the door and locking it behind her.

" Uh Clary, didn't we just get a talk about-"

" Shut up Jace!" She sighed and then lauched into her story, " Look, I saw you guys today, at Magnus's place. I was looking for you and well it kind of shocked me…. I'm just kind of…. Thinking things through."

" You think….. You think I'm gay?!"

"Well, I think you have gay potential… I mean you can really shake that cute little booty of your's!"

"…………………." Jace was speechless.

"So you're not going to explain to me why you were….. dancing?..."

" Magnus and Alec tricked us…. And then they blackmailed us with a video they made of our first practice! And this really embarrassing video of me when I was little and Robert was explaining things to me…"

" What, how to use crayons?"

"Uhm. What a Vag- actually nevermind. That's not the point."

"So, the point is that you dance around in spandex to gay boy bands?"

"NO! The point is that my girlfriend doesn't like me anymore!"

"Ohh! Jacey! I still love you! Really! You don't have any clue how hot that butt of yours is! Any girl would be crazy not to want that!"

"So you want me?" Jace asked huskily, wrapping his arms around her and backing her up to the bed.

"Of course I do baby." His lips crashed onto hers and he pushed her back onto the bed.

Clary opened her mouth against his and said, "But what I really want is to see you shake it again."

" Ok! Anything for you babe!" He eagerly jumped up and stood in the middle of the room with his back to clary. As he started to dance and roll and jump, he looked over his shoulder and said " Like this Clary Beary?"

" Oh yeah, Jace! But it would be better is you were in spandex…" Clary murmured the last part, but jace caught it. He ripped off his offending jeans and surprised his girlfriend by havig on spandex shorts underneath.

"Mmmm." Clary murmured. "Do one more thing, though."

"Yeah," Jace said dreamily, "What is it?"

"_Take your shirt off!"_

Then, out of nowhere, music started playing and Clary got off the bed. She was crumping and singing along to the song…

_T's The Sh*t  
T's  
Yeah_

Brush em off .. Brush em off .. HEY  
Brush em off .. Brush em off .. HEY  
Brush em off .. Brush em off .. HEY  
Twist it in the air like a mother fucking helicopter  
Yeah  
Ladies and gentlemen  
Boys and girls  
Children of all ages  
This is nappy boy man..This is what we do, hey  
Introducing!!!

Teddy pain, Teddy Pederast ..  
Better be known when I roll around town  
If your girl lost, then she about to be found  
When I rock & roll I make that boy fall out  
Teddy Bear's on my feet all 'round  
I'm back again what ya gonna do now?

Get out of this party girl and come back to my house  
I'm about to show you how we do it down town

Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off

Twist it in the air like a mother f*cking helicopter

A aaa a a .. take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. take your shirt off

Brush em off.. brush em off .. do the dance  
Twist it in the air like a mother f*cking helicopter

I know you don't care when your titties everywhere, home girl  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off

And if you don't care put your hands in the air, home girl  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Hey ..Twist it in the air like a mother f*cking helicopter

What it is, what is gonna be?  
I see you in the crowd and your lookin' at me

But you aint doin nothin like u gettin it for free  
I don't wanna see no nuts in the pretty white TV

Take it all for me baby girl whatcha gonna do  
Your lookin' like who this mother f*cker talkin' to?

I wanna see that baby phat wrapped around your head  
Now answer this is auto-tune really dead?

Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off

Twist it in the air like a mother f*cking helicopter

A aaa a a .. take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. take your shirt off

brush em off.. brush em off .. do the dance  
Twist it in the air like a mother f*cking helicopter

I know you don't care when your titties everywhere home girl  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off

And if you don't care put your hands in the air home girl  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Hey ..Twist it in the air like a mother f*cking helicopter

Hey girl whatis it?..should I take back to my crib and  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off ..shirt off  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off ..shirt off

Baby girl what's goin on  
I noticed this is your favorite song  
so take your mother f*cking shirt off ..shirt off  
take your mother f*cking shirt ..shirt..shirt..shirt..shirt

Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. Take your shirt off

Twist it in the air like a mother f*cking helicopter

A aaa a a .. take your shirt off  
A aaa a a .. take your shirt off

brush em off.. brush em off .. do the dance  
Twist it in the air like a mother fucking helicopter  
I know you don't care when your titties everywhere home girl  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off

And if you don't care put your hands in the air home girl  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Take your mother f*cking shirt off..HEY  
Hey ..Twist it in the air like a helicopter

Clary ended her singing and jumping around in Jace's face. He then picked her up, bringing her mouth to his and kissed her deeply. They were just beginning to get into it when they heard a throat being cleared behind them. Jace spun around only to find a very angry Robert Lockwood standing at the door, his eyes locked on Clary's legs wrapped provocatively around Jace's waist.

"_**You two!"**_

**Author's Note: So…. Did you like it? Tell me! Review please! Anyone know the song? Haha anyone have a guess as to what Papa Lockwood gave Clary a talk about? Anyone like seeing Jace shake it? Oh, if you don't know what crumping is, look it up! I love it! =) Thanks for reading!**


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